You have to somehow know what you want before you even start dating. At the very least, you should at least know your deal-breakers. List down the traits you’d never ever accept even if they’re the cutest and sweetest person you’ve ever met.
- Addiction (drugs, alcohol…any addiction)
- Exclusivity (if you want to be in a monogamous relationship)
- Unemployment (especially if financial independence means a lot to you)
You should also, of course, go right ahead and ask if you’re compatible or not. Here are some questions that are okay to ask during the first or second date:
- Do you want children? When? How many?
- Do you want to live in the suburbs or the city?
- Do you want to get married?
The good thing about dating is that you can just walk away without remorse. You don’t even have to give any explanation. If you think you can’t be with them long-term, try to leave. Don’t wait for things to get better. There are other options.
If you’re in a long-term relationship
Unlike when you’re dating, you have the responsibility to make the other person aware when you’re unhappy so both of you can make necessary changes to accommodate each others’ needs. You’re nurturing each other and that’s what you should do.
If you keep things to yourself to maintain peace, it will bite you in the ass later. You might lose your feelings for them and then wonder why. You might end up resenting them, even!
Overall, not good. So do your best to be open, and be gentle. But keep in mind that simply being open is not the be-all-end-all. You also need to be patient.
If you’re not happy that you’re only having sex once a week, please say it out loud and be firm. Don’t attack them, of course. But make sure that you communicate it to them. Otherwise, they won’t even have the chance to make improvements and that’s just unfair!
If you’re married
If you’re at your wit’s end, if you are starting to regret marrying your S.O., go to marriage counselling instead of finding comfort elsewhere.
Work on your marriage. If they’ve changed a lot that you’re now too incompatible with, don’t give up too soon. It might just be a phase. I know it’s not easy but try to go back to the reasons why you married them. Try to look for the good while you’re trying eharmony phone number to rebuild a new life with the same person. That’s what marriage is about – being committed to making things work.
Don’t try to “recover” from it fast. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Give yourself time to assess your feelings. Once you’re quite clear of the reasons, tell your partner. Make sure you give them suggestions on how you want things to improve so you both have something to work on.
Give it time. You’ll be surprised that one day, your feelings will be back again. But don’t ever force yourself.
Some people who are incompatible to the core end up wasting a lot of time. They’re in love so they’re hopeful things will improve. They try to bend as far as they can until one day, they’ll break.
Some can endure any kind of incompatibility because they know how to compromise and they’re flexible without losing their principles and identity.
Try to be one of the latter…at least for a while. If the relationship is worth fighting for, give it all you’ve got before deciding to call it quits just because you’re incompatible.